It's a beard! It's not plain! It's ... super beards!

Facial-hair freaks from around the globe compete in the World Beard and Moustache Championships, a series of contests that's just about as bizarre as they come. The gallery of contestants and champions is not to be missed.

Comb through the official site and you'll discover that the hairy competition has taken root in New York City and England. There's even a Beard Team USA Blog and a forthcoming documentary (titled, drumroll please, Splitting Hairs).

What a bunch of bull ... dogs

I've never seen so many jaunty bulldogs. And who knew you could get 'em to dress up like state troopers and construction workers and such? Hannah took top dog honors Monday in the 27th annual Beautiful Bulldog contest in Des Moines, Iowa.

The Associated Press moved a story with an inspired intro (and a piker's typo) that you can read on Yahoo. But be sure to check out The Des Moines Register to see a glorious gallery of all 45 dogs who provided the stiff (and drooling) competition. I can almost hear those goofy hounds grunting!

Take my accordion -- please!

Is that what you're saying to yourself? After searching eBay and accordion stores across the country, I'm still looking for my dream accordion. Maybe you've got one lying around that you'd like to donate to a worthy cause!

The most important things I need from my dream squeeze are:

1) Lighter than 20 pounds – the lighter the better
2) In tune and tuned to A440
3) Tight bellows
4) Even keys and a fast keyboard
5) Switches that give me at least clarinet, bassoon, piccolo, master and combinations of high and middle reeds and low and middle reeds.

Plusses:

1) Pretty (bonus points for bright colors and retro rhinestone patterns)
2) Good straps
3) Handmade reeds
4) Pre-existing guitar jack and knobs. (I will be having my own miking system installed, so any electronics don't need to work.)

It's great to be back!

Did you miss us? Thank goodness we got that little misunderstanding with Network Solutions taken care of ...

And TDA's MySpace friend No. 300 is ...

The After Effect, a "rock/alternative/jam band" straight outta Brooklyn. They are the lucky winners of an undefined tour of Cincinnati, home of my swirly college memories and of Jeff Staples, good friend of TDA. Not to mention the Ass Ponys, the greatest band nobody's ever heard of.

So, esteemed members of The After Effect, please say "hi" to my buddy, Newsday pop music columnist Glenn Gamboa, when you're kickin' it in your hometown, and say "this round's on us" to Chuck Cleaver when you get to Cincy-nasty. Cheers!

100 years ago, San Francisco quaked and baked

Frisco media outlets are abuzz with wall-to-wall coverage of the 1906 earthquake that basically destroyed the city. The San Francisco Chronicle website shakes loose a magnitude-8 multimedia splash entitled "The Great Quake: 1906-2006" that boasts amazing historic photos, "walking tour" podcasts and much more. No mention of how many accordions went up in flames.

Quick link will rock TDA iTunes completists

Globe Records honcho Tim forwards this link for anybody who wants to buy every single TDA song available from the iTunes Music Store in one fell swoop. Get those iPods a-quiverin' (link opens iTunes if you've got it, or probably asks you to download the application if you don't) ...