Lucy Liu Played the Accordion

Actress Lucy Liu tells Parade magazine that she tried the accordion as a kid -- but wasn't that great, so she gave it up.

"When I was young, I tried violin and accordion for two weeks each," she said. "I was really horrible at the violin. And I wasn’t good at the accordion, but I liked it."

Too bad ... I bet she'd be great at it now -- ever see her kung fu skills in Charlie's Angels?

I Want a Trunk Monkey

If I lived in Oregon, I'd be shopping for a car with innovative Trunk Monkey technology at Suburban Auto Group.

No 'Ho, Ho, Ho' for Sydney Santas

Politically correct Australian Santa schools -- which train seasonal workers to portray the jolly old elf Down Under -- have banned the phrase "ho, ho, ho," according to a report in The Daily Telegraph. A pair of recruits quit over the ridiculous ban, and at least one would-be Santa said the proscription was because "ho" is English slang for "prostitute."

Westaff, the recruitment firm at the center of the controversy, issued a statement saying the whole thing was overblown.

"Westaff has been a provider of quality caring Santas for over forty years," wrote Sari Hegarty, the company's national Santa coordinator, in an e-mail to stores. "Part of our advice to our Santas is that they should be mindful of children having their first Santa experience. We ask our Santas to try techniques such as lowering their tone of voice and using 'ha, ha, ha' to encourage the children to come forward and meet Santa. We wish you and your family a very merry Christmas."

Man, have I got a song for Australia (actually, Paul does): "Santa Lost A Ho," which is track No. 1 on The Christmas Jug Band's fantastically funny record, Uncorked.

BONUS: Download a free MP3 of "Santa Lost a Ho."

A Squeezebox Story for Veterans' Day

World War II veteran John Martino storming Omaha Beach with an accordion in tow. A squeezebox plucked from Hitler's bunker. What can I say? These vignettes make the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review feature, "Region's Vets Retell Vivid Stories," the perfect Veterans' Day reading on the Wall of Wheeze.

Nice Review for Squeeze Machine

A big bellowing thanks to Let's Polka for the swell review of Squeeze Machine.

Flashback: 'Weird Al' Unveils His New Look With TDA

Pretty funny blog post by a "Weird Al" Yankovic fan who describes watching Those Darn Accordions on the American Music Awards back in 1998, scanning for Al and being stunned by the first appearance of the parody king's new look.

"Surely Al's got to be in there somewhere...scan for frizzy hair, glasses, moustache, Hawaiian shirt...NOTHING! Just Drew, Dick, and the guys from Those Darn Accordions again, including that one member with the shiny shirt who looks kinda like Varna the Squirmese Cook, and it looks like he stole Al's accordion or something...

Wait a minute.

Is that.................................................AL?!

Yes, hard as it was to fathom at the time, Al had ditched the glasses, grown the biggest goatee I've ever seen on him, and apparently gained a bit of weight from the Weird Al Show post-production process. To compound the confusion, Drew's mike was out when he yelled "Al Yankovic!" so the reveal was blown. For the first, last and only time in his life, the new "Inconspicuous Al" Yankovic simply blended in with the rest of the band."

It is kind of shocking, really, seeing Al's makeover and remembering how he used to look. Check out the YouTube video and see for yourself, as we do "a medley of 25 years of hits" with "Inconspicuous Al," Drew Carey and Dick Contino. (Right after us? Wu-Tang Clan, baby.)

TDA at International Accordion Festival in San Antonio

And the devil wins one! It's nice that the camera operator zoomed in a bit for Carri's amazing dance.